In the Matter of Love versus Self

Of course this topic will forever remain a hot and intriguing one as long as the opposite sex exists...Love and Relationship.

So I figured that I would tackle some topics and questions now along with Relationship Counselor Barbara. So enjoy the reader-friendly yet brief blogettes on the matter.

THIS COURT IS NOW IN SESSION...

KNOW YOURSELF:

The first step in finding a balance in a relationship is to figure out what each person truly wants. Sit down and know what *you* want out of the relationship before taking the step of figuring out how the two of you will merge your needs.

FINDING QUALITY TIME:

It´s such a cliche now, but make time for your family and partner. BE there. Sit down and really talk with them about whatever they want to, and then talk with them about the things that are important to you. Share your lives with each other. Most relationships break up because people drift away from each other. Don´t let the drifting start.

COMFORTABLE AND TRUSTING: Consider this ladies.

Sometimes people expect "soulmates" (as often referred) to hit them like lightning out of the blue. They go on looking, while the perfect partner is there with them every day, listening to them, being available, being fully trusting. A partner is first and foremost a best friend. If you have a best friend that is available for more, have you thought about him? It might be time to realize that those traits that make your friend so perfect are the same traits a partner would share.

YOUR CORE VALUES:

People change over the years, some hobbies come and go, and if you choose a soulmate based on something fleeting, it will depart at some point, leaving behind ... what?Figure out what is most important to you. If it´s staying active, as long as you and your partner both share that, you´ll do well. If your partner only likes rock climbing, and refuses to do anything else, what happens when rock climbing years are over? An ability to change and an open mind might be the most important quality in your soulmate.

IN THE MATTER OF "SOULMATES"

In my opinion, a soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we´re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we´re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we´re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we´ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

EXAMINE YOUR EXPECTATIONS:

Many people have very explicit mental images when it comes to a partner. They must look like YYY, have X hair, Y eyes, a Z smile. These mental images probably came from someone seen on TV or a movie, or a mental image formed from someone in your life. I´ve seen many people date a person because they looked a lot like another person in their life - often without realizing it.Really examine your perfect mate´s image. Is it because they will always remind you of someone else? Is that fair, to constantly compare this real life person with someone else, perhaps someone that they can never meet? Instead, focus on the *qualities* of your ideal partner, and work towards that. Looks change, but qualities of personality are more permanent.

I STRONGLY suggest that you consider CHARACTER among all things. The character of a man determines who he is under fire, challenging positions, and the like. It is literally WHO he is and what he's made of. We as women must be careful not to confuse CHARACTER with PERSONAL FLAW. Personal Flaw is what I define as the inadequate, immature and underdeveloped components of a man that he has adapted as a part of him.

Character= integrity vs. Personal Flaw=dishonesty or getting over any chance he gets

Character=correcting a mistake vs. Personal Flaw=making an excuse for the mistake

Character=making a mistake vs. Personal Flaw=repeating mistakes

A man of good Character is not perfect but he is aware, trustworthy, often apologetic when wrong and through integrity he will do what is necessary to make his wrongs right.

Be careful not to confuse the two. This is a great gage for whether you should engage in a relationship with a guy.